Giving Your Inner Child a Name

As the “tech support” representative for practitioners of the SELF-Parenting Program, occasionally a topic repeats itself and this happened recently. It involves the concept of giving your Inner Child a special name, other than “Inner Child.” The following questions came up almost on the same day.

1. What would you say the downfall of calling the inner child by the name it’s responded to all its life or one that it prefers, as opposed to inner child? Do you know of any?
2. Is there a reason why we refer to our inner child as “inner child” and not the name with everyone refers to us? (Which in my case would be _________ .)
3. I call my inner child ‘________’ is that ok, this was my imaginary friend when I was young.
4. Signing emails, Big ______ & Wee ______

Giving your IC a “name” seems like a harmless idea, maybe even fun and wonderful. But it could backfire more often than you realize. I don’t recommend doing this, certainly not in the early stages. I also don’t feel that it’s automatically bad if it happens organically. Let me explain.

SELF-Parenting is an amazing concept and awareness of the human mind. However, to experience the deeper truths of this practice is not easy given modern man’s propensity to go off in various directions. There are various ways that conscious SELF-Parenting can go “off the rails” in the early days if you don’t establish clear-cut guidelines. Even when you follow each of the recommendations closely, problems can develop. Many classic issues are addressed on the website, along with the various books, and modules.

The 23-Tips and Ten Steps are the simplest and easiest way to get to a very deep understanding of your dual human nature as the interaction between an “emotional self” and “mental self.” When they are followed most people get to a very clear understanding of what’s going on inside their mind. It just takes time and consistent daily SELF-Parenting sessions.

If you want to learn a new skill, such as tennis or playing a musical instrument, you start off not knowing how to do this. The first day that you sit down to learn the piano, you are not going to play like Bach or Ray Charles. To learn you find a teacher and take lessons. Assuming a good teacher and lesson plan, with 3-4 months of daily practice you can get pretty good at any skill. As you practice what you are taught, eventually you become fairly proficient at tennis or the instrument you picked.

Establishing proper SELF-Parenting habits early and now, means that any other confusing aspect such as a pet name, or childhood moniker will not bring up extraneous issues as you are establishing your new conscious relationship with your Inner Child.

Your Inner Child is not an “imaginary friend.” A name you remember as a child, could be a “spirit guide” or imaginary friend from the “other side”. Who knows? Many children are tuned into “alternate realities” when young. However, your IC is your Inner Child. It is not imaginary. As an adult, when you address your IC as “Inner Child” there can be no room for error. Your Inner Child knows clearly who it is, and that you, the Inner Parent, are speaking to it.

The point of using “Inner Child,” is that no other possible interpretation exists. The whole premise behind the “23 Tips” and “Ten Steps” is to guide you, as the Inner Parent, through a potential minefield of innocent mistakes that can occur out in the world. I’ve seen other authors make many glib naming suggestions that can easily throw your SELF-Parenting relationship off course.

Until you get across the river and then maybe, just maybe, you will “get it.”

Your outer first name, or whatever name you are classically called by others, would more properly be your Inner Parent’s name. Even when you were a kid you had an Inner Parent. And when people call you by your first name, they are addressing your main personality as the Inner Parent. So, transferring the energy of this name to your IC could be problematic, especially if using “Big ____” and “Little ____.”

It’s simpler and thus easier to just keep to the naming of the roles as “Inner Parent” and “Inner Child.” What may not be easily grasped in the beginning, is that they are separate selves. each having its own viewpoint and personality. You are “combined” or “gathered together” in your body, but you are never going to merge these two selves.

It is possible your Inner Child might ask to be called a specific name. If this happens you could experiment with the idea. This could be good, but it could also turn into some kind of issue later on so just be mindful. Calling your IC, “Inner Child” is always correct, if perhaps slightly more formal. Making your relationship with your Inner Child “more formal” is what helps to separate and strengthen both selves in your relationship.

As a simple recommendation, I advise using Inner Child during your beginning stage of SELF-Parenting, during the first 3-4 months, just to keep things simple and correct. Once you have completed the Ten Steps, and have become an Intermediate Practitioner, you can use your newfound status to ask your IC directly if it would like to be called by a special name, and sort out a win/win solution that applies to your specific relationship.

The above is not a hard and fast rule, only a simple guideline to remain trouble free within your sessions. If your Inner Child happens to make a strong request as to what it would like to be called, AND it originates this unasked from its side of the seesaw, then you are welcome to trial this name in your SELF-Parenting sessions. The key here is that it is your Inner Child originating the request, not a name that you, as the Inner Parent, arbitrarily decide to call your Inner Child because you think it fits or is cool.

All my best, 

John K. Pollard, III