The SELF-PARENTING Program has made remarkable breakthroughs in understanding the Self-Parenting process, both in developing the process and creating the mental/emotional climate that enhances this growth. We want every new practitioner to take full advantage of this fantastic tool.

The SELF-PARENTING Program is a very sophisticated mental/emotional activity never before presented. The book, SELF-PARENTING: The Complete Guide To Your Inner Conversations, has made learning this process accessible and easy to understand. However, therein lays a problem.

Most people, including therapists, do not understand the sophisticated subtleties of the SELF-PARENTING Program because they have no frame of reference. They may be familiar with “inner child” work, but nothing they could have done before has the strength or power of practicing the SELF-PARENTING Program. The SELF-PARENTING Program is “Inner Parent” work not "Inner Child” work, and the importance of this crucial distinction has so far eluded most people.

With this in mind, we include this information to clarify what we mean by the SELF-PARENTING Program. This information is particularly important if you have not recently reviewed Chapter 9 in SELF-PARENTING: The Complete Guide To Your Inner Conversations.

The structure and format of the Self-Parenting sessions is designed to protect your Inner Child from a negative Inner Parent during the first three months of sessions. Some people do not receive the full benefits of practicing the SELF-PARENTING Program because they think that changing some aspect is “no big deal.” The structure of the sessions is purposefully strict not only to guide, but also to teach your Inner Parent. Since most people are completely unaware of their true Self-Parenting style until they have done at least three months of conscious sessions, this was a very important consideration in the design of the program.

During the first three months, you as the Inner Parent, don’t have to do much to receive positive benefits. By asking open-ended questions and saying, “Thank you, Inner Child, for telling me that” your Self-Parenting style will automatically become more positive just because you are spending thirty minutes a day “one-on-one” with your Inner Child. Demanding too much too soon from this process will sabotage your progress. Most problems in the first three to six months of Self-Parenting occur because of a well-meaning but misguided Inner Parent.

It is especially important that you, as the Inner Parent, don’t subject your Inner Child to faulty instructional practices during your sessions. If you are already following the procedures exactly as outlined in Chapters 9 this information will reaffirm your practice. We have found that most of you having problems have been altering the SELF-PARENTING Program unknowingly, which will not create the results you expect.

These guidelines were compiled in response to Reader and Workshop problems during the past several years. Any problems you have with your beginning sessions will be solved by these tips.

1. You must start practicing sessions in the morning right after you wake up. Anything later will dilute the value of your sessions. If this is difficult for you, I can only say that everyone who has made the switch to morning sessions has benefited immensely, including people who start work at 4:00 in the morning. Practicing sessions before you go to bed is not recommended because, the positive energy you create will be dissipated by sleeping.
2. Record your sessions on ruled 8 1/2 x I I (or A4) sized paper. Keep your sessions in a special binder used only for that purpose. I also strongly suggest you three hole punch any materials such as newsletters or modules to keep them in your folder as well. Steno pads, writing paper, etc., are not acceptable. You may use a college ruled subject notebook, which is acceptable as it fits into your binder. You can take them out during your session, (so you can write on both sides) and then put them back in your binder when finished.
3. Format your session paper correctly. Put the day, date, and time at the top of the page. In addition, you may number each consecutive session number to keep a running total such as, Day 44. This will make it easy to know when you reach Day 90, which is a key number of sessions in this program. Draw a line down the center of the paper. Use the left side of the page for the Inner Parent questions and the right side for the Inner Child responses.
4. Always begin your session with “The Opening.” (page 183) This must be spoken OUT LOUD by your Inner Parent.
5. Ask each question, OUT LOUD. When you ask the question, you must also write out the full question. You must speak OUT LOUD and WRITE THE WORDS at the same time. Slowing down your question to match your writing speed takes some practice, but is worth it because this technique concentrates and clears your mind for the response of your Inner Child.
6. DROP DOWN TO THE NEXT LINE about half way on the right hand side of the page when writing the response of your Inner Child.
7. Write whatever your Inner Child says, EXACTLY AS IT SAYS IT. Whatever your Inner Child says in response to your questions, whether it is a one-word answer, a question, a long complaint about doing the session, or a scathing attack on you, as the Inner Parent, write it down exactly.
8. Always respond to your Inner Child by saying, “Thank you Inner Child, for telling me that” OUT LOUD, no matter what your Inner Child says; this is crucial! Because you will be saying this so many times, you do not have to write THESE words each time. To note that you have responded to your Inner Child in this way, write the letters (TY) and circle them while you are saying the words OUT LOUD. As a result, before each new question starts on the next paragraph of the left column of the page, it will always have a circled (TY) in front of it.
9. After you have finished writing down what your Inner Child says, drop down to the next line on the left to begin your new response as the Inner Parent. This makes your sessions easy to read and analyze. See pages 98-99 in the book for examples. When asking your Inner Child questions, you can write the letters “IC” instead of writing out “Inner Child” as you write out the questions.
10. Resist any temptation to respond directly, as an Inner Parent, to your Inner Child during the session. This especially includes trying to answer questions your Inner Child might ask during the session or trying to soothe it because of an emotional answer it has given YOU. Some people think this is nurturing to your Inner Child but it actually has the opposite effect. Always respond only with, “Thank you Inner Child, for telling me that” even if your Inner Child asks a question.
11. As mentioned in the book, you may often discover yourself automatically responding (as the Inner Parent) to your Inner Child’s response. If you notice you are doing this, stop, apologize OUT LOUD as per page 188 of the book, and go back to the session questions. Do not worry when you do this, just be sure to apologize each time. Some practitioners have reported apologizing ten or twenty times during early sessions. Your Inner Child will be impressed that you apologized and that you are finally becoming aware of your automatic responses to its viewpoints. The same applies if you find yourself daydreaming during your session. When you catch yourself simply apologize out loud in a similar manner except substitute the term “daydreaming.” This is also a common experience for many practitioners during the first three months of Self-Parenting.
12. Each session should last the full thirty minutes no shorter, no longer. If you run out of time before the questions are finished, just stop for that day and begin the next day with the next set of questions. If you finish all the questions early, continue the sessions by asking, “Inner Child, is there anything else you want to talk about?” After it answers you (and after you say TY) ask, “Inner Child, what do you want to tell me about that?” If it says “Nothing” then respond, “Thank you Inner Child, for telling me that” and simply repeat the question again until the thirty minutes are up. Your Inner Child will have plenty of answers for your Inner Parent.
13. A very important principle of the SELF-PARENTING Program is spending a full half-hour (no more) with your Inner Child. Finishing or quitting early is not a good idea even if it is the Inner Child’s suggestion. Spending this time is what communicates to your Inner Child that you care. Your Inner Child may even test you by saying it wants to skip a session or quit early. If you stop the sessions early, you are communicating that someone or something else is more important to you than your Inner Child. If you extend your session past thirty minutes even at your Inner Child’s suggestion, this is also a mistake.
14. After thirty minutes are up, read the closing OUT LOUD (page 192). This officially closes your session.
15. (Please Note: Very Important) Once you have finished your session, do not try to speak or dialogue with your Inner Child about the contents of your session during the day. Let the effect of the session integrate into your life however it happens. Trying to “work with” your Inner Child during the day about some vague issue within your first three months always creates additional problems. Typically, this type of problem is something that bothers the Inner Parent. Don’t rehash “issues” outside your sessions with your Inner Child. This keeps restimulating the problem and only makes it worse. Trust me on this one.
16. A definable, Inner Conflict is a different circumstance then described in Tip 15. If you experience an Inner Conflict during the day - a definable conflict of needs - you must work this out as soon as possible. (If you cannot define a distinct conflict of needs than you do not have an Inner Conflict.) In this situation, follow the guidelines in Chapter 7, preferably with the book open in front of you. After resolving fifteen to twenty Inner Conflicts, you will have the steps down pat. You may wait until your next half-hour session but it is always best to resolve a true Inner Conflict as soon as you become aware of it.
17. It can be very helpful to meet with a support group or a therapist (one who is personally practicing the SELF-PARENTING Program) during your early days. A support group can give you a place to share your experiences with others. A therapist can help you clarify difficult issues you may encounter due to your upbringing. Self-Parenting is very simple, yet powerful. If the effects of your sessions are not mostly positive, then you are doing something incorrectly or you may need additional help.
18. Reread the Self-Parenting book occasionally. There is a wealth of information within the pages that will enrich your Inner Parent every time you reread the book.
19. Further your development with more modules. They are specifically designed to deepen your experience practicing the SELF-PARENTING Program. There is now a suggested order, which will guide you gently to the Intermediate and Advanced levels of Self-Parenting.
20. Attend or organize a support group in your area. This is a guaranteed way to improve and develop your Self-Parenting style.
21. I do not recommend writing out sessions with the opposite hand because this adds counterproductive complexity to the Self-Parenting process. (This could have value in other situations.) Nor do I recommend doing sessions with a tape recorder. I also do not recommend doing your sessions on the computer because it will distract from the natural flow of your session. Your sessions need to be legible and written by hand.
22. To continue daily sessions you must learn to make up your own questions. There are only two weeks of questions in the book. This was to encourage you to begin asking your own questions while the newness of the process is still strong. You may ask your Inner Child any question on any subject. Keep your questions simple, based upon your life experience. If you have any trouble, read the articles on the website. But remember, after you ask any question, your only response should be, “Thank you Inner Child, for telling me that.”
23. If you are unsure about starting to ask your own questions, you may repeat the questions from the “yellow book” SELF-PARENTING: The Complete Guide To Your Inner Conversations, over again. It is normal to get different answers to the same questions. You can also repeat sections of any module, and you will get different answers to the same questions. However, don’t repeat these questions more than twice. If you are having problems with questions, get a module. That’s why they were written. SELF-PARENTING: The Complete Guide To Your Inner Conversations, over again. It is normal to get different answers to the same questions. You can also repeat sections of any module, and you will get different answers to the same questions. However, don’t repeat these questions more than twice. If you are having problems with questions, get a module. That’s why they were written.

The first three months of Self-Parenting are just as important, maybe more so, for the Inner Parent as for the Inner Child. This is not because of what the Inner Parent does, but because of what it is NOT ALLOWED TO DO. The format of the sessions is designed to “muzzle” the Inner Parent. You are training your Inner Parent to ask a question and then listen to your Inner Child’s answer, perhaps for the first time ever. We know your Inner Child will do fantastically well during your sessions if you follow the session guidelines properly.

This does not mean your Inner Child will not experience some intense emotional and cathartic feelings. Remember, if you have had a particularly difficult or abusive childhood, the chances are you will have an abusive Inner Parent beneath your conscious awareness. Your early sessions could be filled with some very strong emotional feedback from your Inner Child. And what should you do if this happens? Simply say, “Thank you Inner Child, for telling me that.” If the only thing you ever say to your Inner Child besides asking the questions during your first three months of sessions is “Thank you Inner Child, for telling me that”, then you are practicing the SELF-PARENTING Program to perfection.

During the first six months of Self-Parenting there is a wide range of “normal” progress. Some people immediately gain insights and understanding that others might not get for several months, but within six months everyone begins to absorb a basic understanding of the Self-Parenting process. In the main, the more personal growth work an individual has done the more he or she will gain from the early Self-Parenting sessions.

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